Archive for September, 2011

Like, OMG! Fashion!

FASHION! HAH!

While I definitely think I manage to make myself look at least somewhat presentable most of the time, I’m certain I rarely warrant a, Oh my gosh, you look so cute!  Totally guilty of having a “uniform” and sticking to it. Religiously.

Behold.

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or

Yeah. I am pretty much guaranteed to be wearing some combination of this outfit 8 times out of 10. It’s partially because it’s amazingly versatile — it can work for almost any season, and you can mix and match everything in your closet. But it’s also because it’s what I feel the most comfortable wearing…Cardigans, if picked out and worn correctly! — can complement curves and hide….lumps? Haha.

My favorite spots to score cardis and camis are LOFT, Banana, Gap and J. Crew. All known for their plain — albeit adorable — styles. Eeep.

My work “dress code” is very casual, so while it’s totally acceptable to show up looking super adorable and dressed up — just as it’s totally acceptable (but still unfathomable to me) to show up in ripped jeans and old sneakers — I’m looking to strike a happy medium using clothes I can also wear on the weekends.

BUT.

My other problem is what I wear when I’m not trying to look good and simply aiming for not homeless. My day off/working from home/pre- or post-gym/it’s-Saturday-and-I-have-things-to-do-but-don’t-want-to-shower-because-I’m-going-out-tonight-and-don’t-feel-like-showering-twice-in-one-day … *INHALE* … look is going out in my “nicer” gym clothes (aka Lulu) with brushed hair and some makeup on.

I totally look like this when I hit the gym. NOT.

Are you guys guilty of this? I feel like I’m totally copping out by admitting this, but it’s totally acceptable because it’s all, “Hey! I’m active and physically fit! I ran 77 miles before you even woke up this morning so it’s totally legit to walk around in my gym clothes! Why YES, my hair DOES always look this perfect after I work out…why do you ask?”

Don’t you guys love me? Haha.

Should I just stick with what works? Or try and branch out with some new styles? But I don’t know what to wear. What do normal people wear every day!?? WHAT THE HELL IS A JEGGING? OMG LIFE IS HARD.

(For the record, I totally have a bunch of dresses that I regularly wear in the summer, but haven’t yet mastered the winter dress and tights look, and can’t seem to find a single skirt that doesn’t make me look 1000x ridiculous, so that’s not really an option).

Also, sometimes I wear this.

This was fun.

Please help me.

Love you all.

September 22, 2011 at 6:30 am 5 comments

Coming clean

Hey loves. I am having a hard time of things lately.

I’m sure it may be noticeable since I sound grumpy in a lot of my recent posts. Part of it is genetic…I haven’t really discussed this on the blog, but…*deep breath*…

I have generalized anxiety disorder.

I won’t go too much into it (for now at least) as far as when it started, how I’m managing it, etc. etc., but ….. It sucks. Sometimes I feel like I’m a crazy person. I freak out over stupid an insignificant things, and can get trapped in a sort of “downward spiral” of negative thoughts. It also means I worry, over-analyze and over-think things. When life’s normal (but shitty) setbacks happen, most people understand that while they suck and can be difficult to deal with, they are just that — part of life. Life goes on. When I’m feeling “normal,” I understand this too and can deal accordingly. Sometimes, though, I just fall apart. It can also cause depression.

One upside (??) of this issue, however, is that whenever I feel like I’m getting into a bad place, I know that it is part of my wiring — the way I was built — and that it’s not just me being crazy (even though I can still be a total nut sometimes). I can look at the situation with a little clarity and know that the stormcloud will pass. I’m trying not to let the negative thoughts that are constantly swirling in my head right now override everything and mask all the great things I have in my life; I’m healthy, I have amazing friends and family, I live in a city I love and I have a cool job. Battling depression and anxiety can make it very difficult to remember these things and cherish them, so sometimes I have to remind myself of them constantly. I don’t want to get bogged down in all the little stuff.

So on that note, I apologize if sometimes it seems like I’m overly crabby, negative or bogged down in unhappy stuff. It’s always a struggle, but is especially difficult when crappy things happen, because I’m still learning how to deal with them. Right now, crappy things are indeed happening and I am just not 100% on my game, or at least not enough to handle them as well as I’d like to be.

*another deep breath*

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WELL. Now that I’ve gotten that “out of the way,” I can tell you about some of the good stuff that has been happening. These are all camera phone pictures since my DSLR is experiencing some uploading issues, so please don’t abandon me (if you haven’t already) for poor photo quality!! I promise to bring back the good stuff :)

Last week I got my first (very hyped up) pumpkin spice latte. This one was a tall iced soy version.

It was actually a little too sweet for me — perhaps it was the combination of the already sweetened soy milk plus the flavoring? It was also a bit too heavy on the cinnamon or nutmeg or whatever powdered spice they put in there. It wasn’t bad, but I’m not sure I’d order one again — at least not like that. I’m just not into overly sugary stuff. Bleh.

On the walk back from my Starbucks lunch break Friday, I snapped a few fun pictures of the neat view I get to pass every day. Not so bad, eh?

The weather was kind of crappy, but I still enjoyed being able to stop and smile for a minute to appreciate what a great city Chicago is :)

Friday night, my friend Kati and I stayed in and played drunken Sonic the hedgehog on the Wii. I totally broke two glasses and hit Molly in the face while playing. Clearly I am not meant to play video games.

Kati kicking ass and taking names

We were up until four in the morning!! Who DOES that??? (Besides adolescent boys)

Saturday (after sleeping in), I got up and went to pick up my race packet for the Chicago Half Marathon 5k with Amy. We got there about half an hour before it closed, so we had to rush around a bit to see everything and pick up the required swag :D

It was held at one of the Navy Pier convention halls. It was funny going to Navy Pier because it’s SUCH a tourist destination that no one who is from Chicago ever really goes there. Too many people, too expensive, too much going on. But it was nice to walk along the lake (as always) and take in some of the fun views. I wish I had thought to take a picture outside, but I didn’t. Oh well!

I found a booth for a Madison 5k that I am super excited about!!!! I will definitely be attending this next year :)

Bucky!

I WANT this medal! :D

Amy was wearing a dress and looked super cute, and I showed up in my workout clothes and no makeup. I looked like absolute crap, but you can’t win em all I guess….haha. I found this AMAZING tech shirt that I totally want. Sorry if you can’t see what it says…

But the back says, “I am slow. I know. Get over it.” I loved this, hahaha. I am such a slow runner because a) I am still new to it b) my knee injury and c) I’m just not very good at running!!! (Not that I should need to justify this, but sometimes I read other blogs and see ladies straight up flying at 8-min/mile paces (or even faster, as is the case with my friend Kara!) and I feel like a total loser because keeping up a 10-min/mi pace for longer than a mile is a huge accomplishment for me sometimes. BUT. I am proud that I am running at all, and working to get better at it — in a way that works for me. So yes, I am slow — I KNOW. Get over it :)

This actually reminds me of a comment Mel made on my last post that totally made me smile!

“I have a ankle/leg injury (actually its a condition) that will basically keep me from ever really running long distances. Sometimes I get frustrated at the gym when I have to stay slow on treadmills even though I can cardiovascular-ly or endurance-ly handle it and I keep comparing myself to the people next to me. In the end, I have to do what’s right for my body and that means preventing further injury. I think it’s hard because you know you’re a strong mofo but your body is not responding! wtf bod?!”

It’s so true — sometimes you just have to do what works best for you, and just focus on that. Love you Mel!!!!!

After picking up our stuff, I hung out with Amy for a bit then headed back home to shower and get ready to meet my friend Megan for her birthday. Unfortunately, she forgot her ID at home (!!! d’oh !!!) so she had to cancel. This actually worked out better anyway, because I wouldn’t have been able to stay out for more than an hour anyway. So instead, Laura came over and we hung out and watched TV and made dinner. I love when you are such good friends with someone that just hanging around and doing nothing makes you happy. :)

I went to bed super early because…dum dum dum…I had to get up at 5am for the 5k in the morning! The race was in Jackson park, which is way way way far south in Chicago. It took a little over an hour for Amy and I to get there, so we had to leave around 6. We were sleepy gals, and very nervous!

nervous face on the train

Such a fake smile, haha! I sent this to my dad because he had been checking in with me a lot before the race. Friday he left me the sweetest voicemail telling me that he was very proud of me for “doing these things” (hah) and how cool he thought it was that I am challenging myself like this. It meant a lot — I am so, so lucky to have such great parents.

Anyway, Amy and I got to the race just before it started and had to hustle to check our gear and get to the starting line. After standing around for just a few minutes, we were off!! Even though the first mile felt longer than usual, we still got through it easy peasy. Before we have usually run the first mile then briefly stopped for a walk break, then started up again. This time we got to 1.25 miles (thanks Garmin!) and I suggested that we keep going til we hit 2 miles. Since we both have been off the running wagon somewhat since our last race, it was not easy, but we pushed ourselves through and did it!

I really started to feel the burn after 1.5 miles, and was starting to think that I couldn’t run without stopping for those first 2. But I started talking out loud (to myself, but also to Amy) to keep myself going and let me tell you…I was absolutely shocked that it worked. Some of the thoughts went like:

  • Running is all in your head. You already know that your body is able to do this. The only thing you need to focus on is putting one foot in front of the other. That’s it. Just do it.
  • Focus on the sound of your breath — in and out — and the sound of your feet tapping the pavement. Nothing else. Breathe in, breathe out. Right foot, left foot.
  • Come on brain, don’t crap out of me now. Keep my legs moving. Please.

The last one makes me giggle :) But seriously! I couldn’t believe how much stronger I felt when I started getting into my head and pushing myself. When I was focusing on the second “mantra” about focusing on my breath and my feet, I swear it felt like I was meditating. I’ve never felt anything like it, but it was a totally “zen” like experience. I loved it.

The last half mile of the 5k was the hardest. I kept focusing on breathing, but I could tell I was really slowing down. At this point, Amy took over the cheerleading duties, which helped IMMENSELY. Hearing her telling both of us that we were kicking ass and “DOING IT!!!” I felt like I could finish this thing strong. And crossing the finish line with thousands of people waiting and cheering didn’t hurt either :) This was the biggest race we’ve done so far (estimates were at 22,000 people!!), so it was a really neat feeling. The announcer was also talking about how Apollo Ohno was about to finish, so that put some fire under my butt too — who wants to finish a 5k AFTER Apollo finishes a HALF MARATHON??? Haha.

We thought we were going to collapse and die (per usual) after crossing the finish line, so we sat for a minute, then got up and picked up some bananas and our medals!!!

Oddly enough, our times — while better than the last 5k, when it was a thousand degrees outside — were still not better than the very first 5k we ran. There were only a few seconds difference, but I can’t believe that my fastest time was still my first race — so weird! Perhaps it was because I had been training much more for the first one? Hmm. It’s great to have a running buddy though! :)

Anyway, after walking around and picking up some freebie bars and energy drink things, we hopped on a bus then a train to get back home. I only had a few minutes to shower and get dressed once I got home, because my wonderful brother picked me up to let my do my laundry at his house :) haha. I feel like I’m still in college, but hey! Laundry is expensive!

My parents picked me up from my brother’s to take me out for a short victory dinner at Twist!  — a sweet tapas place. I picked at a few things but wasn’t super hungry. I did have a victory mojito though:) After they dropped me off at home, I was totally pooped and passed out on the couch watching True Blood and Breaking Bad. Unfortunately, I still overslept this morning…whoops!

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Thanks for reading such a long post, and letting me open up about such a sensitive and difficult issue in my life. You guys are amazing!!

September 12, 2011 at 1:05 pm 6 comments

A weighty issue and adventures in working from home

Hey dudes! I’m here! I’m alive!

peaceful times in WI

I’m sorry I haven’t updated recently. I haven’t really had the time or inspiration to sit down and write anything worthwhile, and I would rather not update at all that post some half-assed recap of the boring things going on in my life. Unfortunately, I’m worried that is exactly what is going to happen now, but I’ll try to have a point! I promise!

Ali just tweeted me with some nice words and it occurred to me that I should probably put some of the love back out into the blog world, cause that’s how it works, right?

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On that note, Ali has been having a shitty week. Please combine all of your fabulous mental powers and send a million good thoughts her way, and then some. Someone as sweet, funny, interesting, motivated, strong and all-around wonderful as Ali doesn’t deserve bad stuff coming her way — I have serious faith that she will ninja kick whatever crap is going on in the face and never turn back, ’cause that’s the kind of badass chick she is. Much love to you, Ali!

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Well guys, it’s time to be frank. I have lost my workout mojo. And when that happens, my healthy eating mojo tries to sneak out the back door too.

My pseudo kinda-sorta low-grade knee injury has totally interfered with my running to the point where it can be excruciating to jog across the street to catch the bus. This is extremely disheartening, because I was just starting to feel like I was discovering a new part of myself through running — the total badass, inner fit-chick that was ready to tell my muffin top to take a hike.

I’ve all but stopped running, and I’m sort of depressed about it. I’m also supposed to run a 5k on Sunday, and having not really trained since my last 5k, I’m terrified that I’m not going to be able to do it. I feel like a failure.

hahah -- my ridiculous sad face

I’ve also fallen on my face and skinned my knee — TWICE — in the exact same spot on my knee. The first time was when I was out a few weeks ago with some friends that were visiting (alcohol was involved), the second was exactly four weeks later, just as it was finishing healing, within TWO BLOCKS of where I had fallen the first time. Alcohol was not involved the second time around, but it was after a seriously lame first date. This time, though, I scraped it even worse. I’m having trouble bending my knee because the scab is so huge, and I must have bruised the bone/joint pretty badly because running, bending it or anything similar really hurts. AWESOME.

Have I mentioned that I am a gigantic klutz? Here’s some evidence from college, when a friend and I were goofing around and both tripped, sending her head flying into our coffee table. I still can’t believe someone snapped this picture.

ridiculous

Yeah, I’m sure you can guess which one is me. That face I’m making is pretty priceless. The next day, she came into my room (we were roommates) and ask me if she had fallen. I started laughing and showed her the picture. She was like OH! I was wondering why I had a bruise on my forehead! Thankfully she was okay, hahaha….oh boy. College.

KLASSY times, my friends

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ANYWHO. I have been feeling like a lazy POS. I have been eating things like pad thai and pizza. And even though my self-control regarding drinking has actually been quite good, I’ve still been having one or two throughout the week. I know that’s not bad at all, but when you’re trying to cut back calories, those extra beer cals are just not necessary.

cheers!

I need to kick my ass back in shape and stop being a wimp.

For a little extra motivation, I picked this guy up from Amazon:

source: Amazon

I’m not a fan of dieting at all, but one of the things that attracted me to this book (and Look Better Naked) was that it promotes a healthy type of eating that you can sustain (or at least sustain some form of it) for the rest of your life. I am never going to be a girl that eats rice cakes for dinner. I like food. But I have a problem with how much food, and knowing the difference between occasional indulgences and eating Thai food and/or pizza for dinner 3 times per week. I need to work on this, so I’m hoping this book can at least be a helpful guide — I don’t plan on following any sort of diet 100%, as that is just not me.

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I’m working from home today because I haven’t felt well (allergies? congestion? I hope it’s not the beginnings of a cold) and had an interesting break in the day when I started to hear noises coming from my (otherwise very quiet) courtyard. I realized that two of my male neighbors were having VERY LOUD sex. Oh man.

bahahahah. I just realized what an awesome pun that was. Get it? Oh man?

But yeah — LOTS of grunting and groaning. It was pretty hilarious at first, but after awhile I was like AHHHHH this is getting kind of gross and I am trying to work. Trust me, when it comes to getting it on, I am all about it — good for those dudes for getting some “afternoon delight” — but when I start to hear very specific body parts slapping against other very specific body parts, it starts to distract me from work. So I shouted, “CLOSE YOUR WINDOWS!!!” into the courtyard and sure enough, the noises stopped! But not before I called my friend Kati and held up the phone to the window so she could hear and giggle with me first. Hahaha. I am so mature.

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Time to finish up my work and possibly try to go for a short run to see how the knee is doing. I’m really worried that if it’s still hurting as badly as it was, I’m not going to be able to run on Sunday, and my $40 bucks is going to go to waste. I know it’s nothing to be ashamed of to back out of a race because of an injury, but it’s certainly nothing to get excited about either.

Do any of you have any experience with this situation? I’d love to hear.

Ciao!

September 7, 2011 at 3:16 pm 7 comments


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