Another anti-dude tirade

August 26, 2011 at 3:19 pm 5 comments

Sometimes, everything sucks.


I’m giving you complete permission to skip this post if my opening line proved to be too cheery for you. I don’t think this will turn out to be a total Debbie Downer, but it’s at least gonna start that way.

A good friend (okay, a very good friend — like best friend) of mine just had a short but intense relationship end. She was under the impression that all the good things it had brought were just beginning (as was everyone else who was witness to this twosome), and didn’t see the abrupt end coming. Her birthday is tomorrow.

source: Texting My Pancreas

That just…that just sucks. I’m concerned for my ability to comfort and be there for her, because this reminds me all too much of my fading but still-recent-enough-to-be-painful breakup, and the best things I can come up with to say do not do a very good job of masking my intense disdain for anything with a penis. Dudes are awful.

This dude doesn’t suck that much, but as whole, most dudes still suck tremendously. I don’t like that this happened so close to her birthday, and I don’t like that he ended things only after pulling both of them past the this-could-still-just-be-a-fling point.

Of course, he still wants to talk to her and like omgletsbefriends.


We all know how I feel about that.

I’ll be joining her tonight to hopefully drown some of our sorrows in a messy alcoholic haze, but I’m going to have to do my best to keep my man-hating rants to myself. Bitching about a dude that hairline-fractured (not broke) my heart isn’t gonna do her any good, but it’s hard not to want to scream SEEITOLDYOUSOAREN’THEYALLHORRIBLEOMG

(To clarify, I don’t really hate men. I just think they’re mostly worthless putzes at the moment. This may just be temporary.)

it's fun to break up with people over text message!

This week I was also stood up by a freaking OKCupid date who I had not yet met. I’m having a little trouble understanding this logic, seeing as he asked me out, sent me several nice, normal-sounding conversational emails, set up a date, then went to the trouble of emailing me asking if we could postpone (major eyeroll and air quotes here, people) the date — did he Google me and find some horrific picture I don’t yet know exists? Shocker shocker, he was never heard from again (which is slightly awkward as his full name sits prominently at the top of my gchat list now). But clearly he’s an asshole and seeing as I didn’t even waste a leg shave or a swipe of overly expensive lipstick on the bastard, I’m almost glad he showed his true colors this early. But really, guys — what gives? Someone needs to lock these kind of idiots in a cage before they reach breeding age.

source: Street Knowledge Media

On a cheerier note, I got some new glasses! After paying an arm, a leg, and my pinky toe (for a copay, obviously), I am the proud owner of a pair of Oliver Peoples hipsta-nerd glasses. I kind of love them. Everyone may just be being nice, but I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on them as well, which makes me feel a little more secure since they were outrageously expensive and not exactly…neutral looking? A certain dude who shall not be mentioned (and yes, I know you’re reading this) asked me, however, if this was a situation where he had to lie just to be nice. And said that they mask my sweetness, or something along those lines.

Big middle finger.

I like them, so I stick my tongue out at you, sir! I’m a sweet pea, and my glasses ain’t gonna change that.

In conclusion, men are giant babies who deserve to be locked in cages. And I’m getting drunk tonight.

Entry filed under: Boozing, Dating, Fashion, Friends, Humor, Life, Self confidence, Shameless consumerism. Tags: , , , .

Phone-captured history Last weekend of August recap – sadface!

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. The T  |  August 26, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    warning to the wise….not all men are like this… i refuse to get in the cage…I am no baby…I’m a real human looking for solace just like you….

    Men feel the same about females and the games people must play when meeting one another…

    i hope your weekend turns out better than what happened to you here….


    • 2. Laura @ prettylittlewords  |  August 26, 2011 at 3:55 pm

      I’m not sure if you meant your “I refuse to get in the cage” to be funny, but it made me laugh uncontrollably for two minutes.

  • 3. Mel  |  August 27, 2011 at 1:53 am

    gah girl the things i could say about this too!!! (like what’s with the constant stream of breakups this year – especially with couples who actually gave me hope?; the difference between men and guys/boys and when does this change exactly take place?; are men in chicago specifically worse than the rest of the nation because i’m starting to make this assumption?; how it’s terrifyingto find a legit guy – what do i even do with him?; etc.)

    hhaha..but for now I’m just gonna say the glasses are hot and have fun getting drunk! everything will fall into place – you deserve that…(i know this is just what people say but i think it helps to say it!)

  • 4. The T  |  August 27, 2011 at 8:08 am

    well at least I gave 2 minutes of amazing entertainment… =)


  • 5. Samantha Flickinger (@runcupcake)  |  September 4, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    Oh lordy don’t even get me started. I could go on, and on, for like um oh I don’t know EVER.

    That is all.


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