Thinking about the new year
I had a hard time sleeping last night. I made sure to get myself into bed early because I cheated and skipped the gym for a hearty meal and a few glasses of wine instead (oops!). I watched a few episodes of Modern Family (which I just started watching…it SO funny…you can find it on Hulu here) and read a chapter or two of Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea. After practically falling asleep with my head in the book, I figured it was time to hit the hay, so I turned off my light and snuggled up next to Mojo.
And I laid there.
You may or may not know me (more likely not…), but I’ve always struggled somewhat with anxiety. Thankfully, after amazing support from friends and family, I have gotten it “cornered,” and I can function pretty normally without letting it disrupt my life like it used to. Every once in awhile, I can feel that familiar ache creeping back into my stomach, and that hard to describe feeling running through my head. Last night was one of those nights.
While I’m lucky enough to be living on my own in a fabulous part of Chicago, I still have to live with roommates to share expenses. Having roommates can be fantastic and a of fun for many reasons: there is always someone around to watch tv with or chat, bills are dramatically lower, and an endless closet! Things were going this way for awhile in my current living situation, but recently they have been falling apart. There was, for lack of a better word, a fallout right before everyone left for the holidays and things have been, well, up in the air since.
I can’t say that I wasn’t at fault at all, but I felt that I was not treated respectfully, maturely or fairly, and I’m angry that I’m left feeling uncomfortable in my own home. Thankfully I was able to have some time away from it all since this blowup occurred right before the holidays, but I have been dreading the return of the instability ever since I left.
I’m hoping that things will move more smoothly since we’ve both had a chance to step away from the situation and calm down, but despite my many attempts, I feel like this roommate is not making the effort to come to a workable and mutually agreeable compromise, and would rather just fight instead. I really wish this person would think twice and, well…grow up.
Anyway, my stomach was in knots last night, and I’m definitely more antsy and unfocused than usual today. Some positive and forward thinking is just what the doctor ordered. Of course, retail therapy ranks up there too. Here are the three places I have on my mental checklist at the moment:
I’m trying to hold off as long as I can, having just paid off part of my ASTRONOMICAL credit card bills. I wish I could blame it all on the holidays, but the sad truth is that they were already pretty high before the gift-buying season. On the bright side, I’m lucky enough to not have any student loans, and I feel like the amount of debt I have compared to people my age is pretty low. This will just have to be one of my…dum dum dum…goals for 2011!
I know, a silly New Year’s Resolutions list, right? Nope. Goals. I like the phrase goals because it allows for more flexibility. As anyone else knows, a failed resolution can really hurt your confidence and self worth — didn’t lose 10 lbs? You failed. Didn’t pay off your entire credit card? You lose. But what if you set these goals, and perhaps you don’t make it all the way, but you make progress — maybe you lose 7 lbs, or you’ve paid off more than half of that card. It can be really inspiring to look at what you did do rather than what you didn’t.
So without further ado, here are my goals for 2011:
- Find a mix of affordable and cheap beauty and healthcare products that work really well for me, and stick to them. I need to stop wasting money on things that I try once and toss, or worse yet, sit around my cluttering up my apartment with unused things!
- Continue the healthy lifestyle I’ve been working on for the past few years, but also continue to tweak and improve it. I need to get better about making meals the night before, utilizing leftovers/not wasting food, incorporating more vegetables and less fat/cheese/bad carbs into meals, and eating out less frequently. I love my food, but I’m still working on finding the right balance.
- Get better about putting things away right after I use them. Nuff said.
- Open and file/toss my mail right away, no exceptions. I’m really bad about this.
- Go to the gym and/or exercise (actual sweaty, heart pumping exercise) at minimum 2 times per week and maximum 6 (hah!) times per week. Any less would be unhealthy, and any more is…um…unrealistic.
- Make a stronger effort to be a good listener. This is something I’ve been working on for a few years now, but I really feel that we could all improve on this. I’m a talker, so sometimes I don’t realize that I’m not being as good of a listener as I need to be.
- Be a better person. I’m not sure of the specifics of this one, but it’s always something we should keep on our minds.
- Scale back on impulsive purchases. I’m really bad at this one, and my bank account can prove it. I have everything I need more or less, so I really need to watch this and ask myself, every time, is this a “want” or a “need?”
- Meet a cute, nice guy. Go out with said cute, nice guy. This one is pretty self-explanatory.
What are your goals for 2011?