Posts tagged ‘sadness’
I couldn’t sleep, so I’m up late working and putzing around on the computer.
Three different people I have dated throughout a very long span of time all contacted me within about five minutes of each other tonight (weird), and it is completely distracting me.
And now…I’m looking back on the butterflies and feeling sad. Sigh. I wish things like this got easier. I know I’ve grown up a lot in the past few years, but every time I get my heart broken, I feel like a 15 year-old girl all over again.
Can I send a message out to the Universe — to that wonderful, kind, patient, hilarious and perfect-for-me man out there who is waiting for me, specifically — to hurry up and find me already? This sucks.
Sorry to leave you hanging with my last post. It has been a rough few days.
The fella I have previously mentioned a handful of times (not going to link to everything, but the butterflies post may have been particularly memorable) and I broke up on Thursday. It wasn’t really anticipated at all, and it happened while I was at work over the course of a conversation over text message. Needless to say, I was very upset and angry about how it went down. We had only been seeing each other for three months, but we both agreed that we felt close to each other pretty quickly, and cared about each other quite a bit. Even as I’m writing this now, I’m getting sad and tearing up a bit. For the moment, things still feel very unresolved and painful.
Men boys suck.
In true Laura fashion, I drank way too much all weekend (this is both a good and a bad thing, hah) and didn’t really take the best care of myself. I also spent a decent amount of time crying and moping around.
Thankfully, I have some seriously incredible friends that not only talked me through things over and over again, but also put up with my moping, late night phone calls, and tearful moments in completely inappropriate places. One friend, whom I have just met recently and barely know, sat with me late last night after I had had a few too many drinks and smoothed my hair back while I slowly dozed off on my bed. You know, while I had five or six people over at my house. (I’m a great host).
She is a wonderful person, and I feel lucky to have met her!
I know things are still fresh and that in time, the pain will fade and I will continue to do all the fun things I normally do. And I know that three months isn’t a very long time. But damn. This hurts a lot. I can’t help but feel pretty down on myself right now, even though I know that
sometimes often, people just aren’t 100% compatible and need to acknowledge that and move on. But it’s hard not to take it personally. It’s also hard, and very saddening, to suddenly realize that the person you’ve spoken to every day for the past several months is going to be abruptly removed from your life. I miss him.
Did I mention that he gave me that complete bullshit about how incredible I am, and how much he values having me in his life? And still wants to hang out all the time? As friends?
Yeah, dude, I know I’m amazing. I don’t need you to validate that for me. But if you think you are going to still experience that, after some of the shit you pulled here, you are out of your damned mind.
Despite the constant sadness and crying fits, I actually had a pretty fun-packed weekend. Fun-packed doesn’t necessarily mean you’re enjoying every second of it — it just means you know you’re supposed to be. I went out with a few girlfriends to a great bar called Delilah’s (Lady Gaga stopped by there when she was in town last summer!) and had a drunken, singing cab ride home with a best friend. I went to the aptly-named “Sausage Fest” and drank some icy beer and ate some steamy…you guessed it, sausages. And I spent a lot of time with some truly wonderful people who care about me.
Sorry for the long, picture-less, totally bummed-out post. When I get a chance in the next day or so, I’ll share some fun pictures (look out for a sausage made of out a not-so-typical creature…) of my weekend to bring the mood back up around here.
Three weeks until my very first 5k that I am now officially registered for — yippee!!
Now I just need to, you know, be able to run 5k. *GULP*
…that trying to hide your tears at work just makes it more obvious that you were crying?
I’m not sure what to do with myself right now, I just know that I need to run immediately after work. Fast, and far.